Simple math to better parenthood
Research is indicating that there is a direct correlation between the way kids feel about themselves and the way they are disciplined.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sandi Schwartz
I’ve created a ‘math problem’ especially designed for parents.
Are you ready for it? Great! Here it is:
If A=B and B=C, then does A=C?
The answer is: YES! A equals C.
Why does this matter? That’s what the kids are constantly asking; “Why do I have to know this stuff?’ The answer is usually because “It makes you a smarter person.” …Same answer for parents. If you understand this math problem you’ll be a smarter parent….and a happier parent…and a healthier parent. In fact your entire household will be happier, healthier and more in love with life.
Let’s figure this out together.
‘A’ represents a home where discipline is loving, consistent, age appropriate and wise.
‘B’ represents a child who has high self esteem, who is eager to learn, who is not afraid of making mistakes, who does not feel the need to lie, and actually enjoys being cooperative and helpful.
‘C’ represents success in school and in all areas of life. While the definition of success can be interpreted differently, it basically indicates someone who is enjoying the abundance of life physically, emotionally and spiritually.
If this is sounding like pretty important stuff, you are correct. This is incredibly powerful information. Let’s explore it some more:
Research is indicating that there is a direct correlation between the way kids feel about themselves and the way they are disciplined. You want your child to be able to say, “I’m glad I’m me.” Parents play a KEY role in helping children develop a positive self-image. The highest predictor of future school achievement is related to the child’s beliefs about him/herself. In general, children with high self-esteem are self-confident, willing to take risks, not afraid of failure or rejection, energetic, truthful and happy even when things go wrong. At school they enjoy learning, have realistic expectations, take part in discussions, help others, share, recognize accomplishment of others and know that building someone else up does not threaten their own good feelings about themselves. They do not attract bullies. Children with ADD, dyslexia and other learning disabilities can have high self-esteem. The key element is the messages the child receives about his value and self worth.
What about the discipline part? That’s the topic that grabs the attention of most parents.
We’ll talk lots about this area because it is legitimately one of the trickiest challenges of parenting. For the purpose of today’s math problem it is important to define discipline as a system of guiding, modeling and supporting children as they learn about life in an atmosphere of unconditional love, eagerness and validation.
You can actually start shifting into this type of discipline today. It is never too late to change your style or your belief system. It does not matter how your own parents ‘did it.’ Many generations created emotional wounds in their children in the name of love. YOU can make a decision to be part of a generation that makes a conscious shift.
Just for today begin to follow the advice of Mahatma Gandhi, famous political and spiritual leader of India: “Be the change you wish to see.” If you want your children to be kinder, be kinder toward them and others. If you want your children to be thoughtful, shower them and others with thoughtfulness. Politeness, empathy, generosity, appreciation, and gratitude, can never be learned through words, coercion or guilt. It develops slowly and sweetly, in an atmosphere of understanding and forgiveness.
We will embrace this topic of ‘Discipline’ in many different ways as we travel the next few months together. Parents and grandparents have lot of questions about how to be loving, kind and understanding when children are not listening, sharing or handling responsibilities.
Send your questions in. I look forward to hearing from you.
Hugs,
Sandi
To Listen to Sandi on her Weekly Radio Show- Go to:
http:/www.loaradionetwork.com/sandi-schwartz.com
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Comment by: Lainie Goldstein Posted: September 7, 2009, 8:22 am
This article is thought provoking and inspiring. It leaves me wanting to know more – especially about discipline.
Comment by: Sandi Kimmel Posted: September 7, 2009, 9:14 am
This is the BEST math class I ever read! Thank you for your sage advise.
Comment by: Matt Posted: September 7, 2009, 12:16 pm
This is the best parenting column I have read…please keep them cioming!
Comment by: Patrick Murphy Posted: September 8, 2009, 9:03 am
Thank you for this powerful advice for parents with children of ALL ages. You are a wise and helpful writer.